Character Traits - what type of person do you want to be?

Each and every day we are presented with personal situations which serve to challenge and as a result help us grow as individuals. Many of these scenarios involve others; work colleagues, friends, relatives, lovers, husbands, clients – people who directly or indirectly influence our emotional state whether we like it or not.

The insensitive ex-lover who flaunts his new partner, the selfish colleague who thinks only of their own desires, the friend of many years who rarely asks how you really are, or more importantly never waits for your answer. Seemingly small but significant hurts and disappointments that build over time and which can leave you un-trusting, unsure and in many ways a victim of others.

Reflections on these interactions can offer little self-comfort – in fact, dwelling, hating, resenting the people who have deeply hurt and disappointed you in a way no words can adequately describe only leaves the already suffering more distressed. Meanwhile, the ignorant dealer of pain and suffering walks free inflicting their less than ideal human behaviour on others.

In such instances of deep sadness it may be useful to consider that the only real reprieve from such pain is to concentrate on developing the very character traits you wish that these visitors to your world possessed. The strong and respected personal characteristics coveted by many but rarely embraced in life.

Honesty, integrity, loyalty, dignity, courage, humility along with a deep belief that your own strength of self will help you survive any personal pain graciously as long as you embody these qualities each and every day. It is then you can say goodbye to each day knowing you have done your very best, and have remained true to self without knowingly causing pain to others.

Honesty = fairness and straightforwardness of conduct
Integrity = the condition of being whole
Loyalty = faithfulness or devotion to a person
Dignity = sense of self respect
Courage = ability to confront fear or pain
Humility = the quality of being modest

Food and stress

How many people do you know who are not functioning at their best physically because of the direct or indirect effects of stress? Those with distinct medical issues – back and neck pain, migraines and headaches, insomnia, weight gain, inactivity, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and then conditions such as fibromyalgia, PCOS, thyroid and pituitary issues, MS, coeliac, irritable bowel syndrome – all diseases that are on the rapid rise in modern society and which would suggest are at some level lifestyle related.

It is interesting to observe clients who have not eaten well or looked after their body for many years who come to the clinic, and who are keen to finally make some serious lifestyle changes when they have been diagnosed with such issues. Such a reality check reminds them that they actually have a lot of control over how their body feels and functions on a daily basis and have to admit that stress, bad food and a lack of activity can no longer continue if they are to live wholly and fully for many more years to come.

There are a number of dietary interventions known to benefit a number of these conditions including fatty acid therapy, various supplements, carbohydrate typing, avoidance of various additives and stimulants and of course, weight control. Surely these changes are a lot more appealing than many drugs and doctors appointments for years to come?
The time to look after your weight and your body is now.

Are you living consciously?

Living in a country in which things come relatively easily compared to more poverty driven communities’ poses us with an interesting situation. On one hand in general we live a pretty lovely life with enough food, shelter and clothes to live comfortably, if not very well.

The down side of this is that we tend to take things for granted. In our search for more money, bigger houses, better jobs, better suburbs we easily forget about the small but meaningful acts of day to day life. Saying good morning to the neighbours; taking our secretary a coffee or thanking her for her special effort, letting someone in when driving or letting a runner cross the road in front of us - appreciating the small things that indeed make us human and a deeper appreciation of the fact that we are very blessed here in Australia.

So next time you find yourself winging that you need more money, a bigger house, a better relationship – it may be time to take stock, pay more attention to the way you treat the people you interact with on a daily basis and be grateful for what you do have.

Are you a victim of your own life?

In my work I am very lucky to consult with some high level executives and sportsmen and women. Top of their game when it comes to business or sport, observation shows that such high achieving individuals view life and the opportunities it presents us with on a daily basis very differently to the average Joe.

The average Joe generally sees life as pretty tough, and anything extra added or requested of them as an effort. Feeling overwhelmed, although often a result of poor personal choices, leads to a general air of resentment of any requests that require the individual to give or do more than they are already doing. Over time, such a low energy approach to life sees health and mood suffer and eventually living life is replaced with tolerating it, and just making it through.

You know these people – they are the ones who drain you, are hard work and see every opportunity as more work for them, adding to their complaints that things are already hard enough and they are already tired, stressed and overworked.

High functioning individuals could not be more different. They see every opportunity as a chance to do better, be better, and give more back. Nothing is too much trouble and as a result they fully embrace the life they have been given. Such high energy people are inspiring to be around, embrace every opportunity are also generally the ones who are happy to give back anything they can.

Just this week an athlete who has competed at international level came to do some health reprogramming after a long injury bout. This athlete does not need to ever work again, but knows he has been blessed with an amazing talent and if it now means he will have to go alcohol free, lose 10kgs and train for many hours each day to get back to his best, he will do it, no questions ask– because quite frankly, why wouldn’t you?

The victim on the other hand will go on feeling sorry for him-self, probably for years, and continue to see a potentially amazing life, waste away.

Using food as a reward?

Many a diet regime or article that writes of diet strategies to incorporate “treat” foods such as chocolates, cakes, lollies or even cheese has spoke of the use of foods as rewards for sticking to certain regimes. A wine at the end of a day of healthy eating; a chocolate bar once a week or a coffee and banana bread after a heavy gym workout. While any diet regime that emphasizes the importance of balance rather than an “all or nothing “ approach is a good way to approach sustainable behavioural change, there is also evidence to suggest that rewarding with food may actually prime the brain to look for these food rewards more and more.

In fact, brain scans have shown that if the brain has been programmed to think of rewards, whether they be food or drink based, or physical rewards such as doing something pleasurable, the chemical dopamine is released. Dopamine makes us feel really good, and as such, once you get some, you naturally want more. So, if you are rewarding yourself with a chocolate bar for “being good on your diet”, you are going to be looking for this sensation chemically pretty soon again afterwards.

Knowing this, rather than using food as a reward for perceived good behaviour, a better approach may be to pay more attention to the cues your body is giving you about what you really feel like eating at any point in time. Often we eat simply because we have given ourselves permission to do so rather than building a baseline healthy diet and including higher fat foods for special occasions or at times we may really feel like a chocolate bar or some cheese and really enjoying it as a result. Food and eating is one of life’s greatest and simple pleasures, the sooner we allow ourselves to enjoy treats in moderation, the sooner we will achieve long term weight control and get to eat the foods we love, in the right amounts, at the right time.

The art of acceptance

How often in life are things exactly as we want them to be? We want to be thinner, or lose weight without effort or hard work. We love those who don’t love us or covet a profession other than the one we have chosen. We go away only to wish we were back at home again.

Happiness and wellbeing research would suggest that while a feeling of dissatisfaction in life is actually the key force that allows humans to move forward, those individuals who are able to accept the cards they have been dealt rather than ruminate on the “what if’s” are those likely to be much happier.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT); an entire discipline within psychology dedicates its work to helping individuals reaching this state of acceptance, whether people seek acceptance in their relationships, work or even in regards to what they need to do to lose weight.

ACT writings suggest that rather than spending time and mental energy debating the pros and many more cons associated with actively engaging in the act of weight control via dietary control and regular exercise, long term outcome is much more likely if we simply accept that in order to control weight, we need to eat less, feel a bit hungry and uncomfortable and train hard. Once we accept this as what we need to do, we are then able to focus on the end goal, which leads us to outcome. Accepting that things will be hard at times, or that we may have to feel uncomfortable for certain periods of time are simple a natural, part of life. Or, put more simply, “it is, what it is, and as simple or complex as you want to make it”.

Finding your authentic self - the first step towards complete health and well being

Angelina has it, as does Brad but Jennifer Aniston still hasn’t found hers. Anna Wintour oozes it, as does Michelle Obama. Hugh Jackman embodies it as does Jamie Oliver, Seal and Heidi Klum – authenticity.

Authenticity is one of my most favourite words – the ability to truly reflect ones self; to break free from the roles created for us and stay concrete and honest no matter what the situation or relationship we find ourselves in. Few individuals master their own authentic soul - the very nature of modern life and our relationships seeing us mould and manipulate our authentic selves into the person we hope to be, or doing what others want us to rather than embracing what is true and real for us as an individual.

Our emotions as well as the body are both exceptionally good at telling us when we are on track with our authentic selves. Frustration, irritability, uneasiness or an underlying sadness just some of the emotional states we may experience. No matter what field of work you are in, or how much money you earn, these powerful emotional indictors are signs that you are not on the right personal path. While the physical signs of poor sleep, weight issues, regular sickness and injury are further indicators that you are not nurturing your soul.

The first step in rediscovering your authentic self is to consider at which point in your life you lost it. Was it when you married or had children; did you never truly embrace who you were after coming from an intense family or was it simply because you lost your way after entering your adult life with little path or direction, or without the confidence to aggressively pursue what it was you knew would make you happy?

One of the key characteristics of authentic people is that they always put their own needs before those of others. Not in a selfish uncaring way, but they know that without love for self, they cannot love others truly, madly, deeply.

Identifying their own core needs and practicing self care and love on a daily basis is central in the lives of authentic souls. So this week I ask you – what it is it that you know both your mind and body need to truly nurture your soul? Is it simply time to be, good food, exercise, time with your passions or time to identify them? Is it creating a home or bedroom that is a reflection of your heart and soul? Or spending time in nature without modern technology and communication regularly to commit to your own personal rediscovery? Embracing your own authentic self is the first step in building the life that you want and ultimately the one you deserve.