Taking personal responsibility for your food, your weight and your life

Last week on a trip to Perth I sat behind a 200kg woman and her 130kg daughter in the back row of the plane and found myself pinned to my seat for the duration of the 4hr trip - trust me, the irony of this situation is not lost.

As I sat there, unable to move, work or even get up to walk around easily I was considering if it was inappropriate to tweet this experience when we landed. Yes, I knew that there would be some backlash - "have some compassion, imagine what it is like for her", "It is not her fault", "you don't know her story" but then there was something nagging inside me that thought, "sure, it is not lucky to have genes that leave you predisposed to gaining weight" but at what point is it about taking responsibility for self and acknowledging that you have a problem and making an effort to change it?

I have no issue with over weight people, in fact much of my life is spent helping overweight people but I do have an issue when their decision to be overweight impacts others. Trust me, this woman felt no remorse for pushing her seat back as far as it could go, nor did she order the breakfast cereal when it came around. There was no evidence that she was sorry for the issues she was causing on the plane and she became very aggressive with the attendant when he refused to let her move to a spare row because he wanted to leave it for a young family with 2 small children.

As is the case with all life areas, we move forward when we cease to become a victim and take responsibility for ourselves. When we start to inconvenience others, then that is a definite sign things need to change. The upcoming season of The Biggest Loser will again highlight the issues with have with behavioural obesity in families across Australia. Let's hope bringing the burden of Australia's growing weight issues to the attention of many more people will encourage more Australians to take responsibility for their weight and their health. That or we need to start building bigger planes

Managing the passive aggressive

If there is one type of behaviour that is more infuriating than any other, it is passive aggressive behaviour. Not returning phone calls or messages; not doing something you normally would as a way of “getting one up” on another person, purposely not inviting them to an event to try and upset them, acting toward someone in a charming way but actually being mean, nasty or disrespectful in another, giving someone a nice compliment but then giving them a back hand at the same time such as “You are an attractive girl but much bigger than I would have thought for a dietitian” – J (Yes, someone did say this to me)

The funny thing about passive aggressive behaviour is that it is generally so transparent that there is almost no point in doing it. Passive aggressive behaviour slowly builds tension and unspoken anger that can make rebuilding relationships extremely challenging. Ongoing passive aggressive outbursts gradually destroy trust between people, and the ironic thing is that the behaviours are really only an outside representation of the ego of the person eliciting the behaviour.

As recipients of passive aggressive behaviour, if we want the war to be over, the worst thing we can do is retaliate – repeat and recreate the very behaviours we have been the recipient off – of course, this is easier said than done. It may be useful to remember that the instigator of the passive aggressive behaviour is generally a person who is unable to be honest and open in a relationship, and/or clearly express their feelings and emotions. Their own internal anger battle has no where to go except to be targeted at an outside person. To fully manage these people, the best thing we can do is be really honest with them – “I have noticed that you seem to be really annoyed with me, have I done something to upset you?”

Labeling their behaviour gives it an identity. In more cases than not, they do not like behaving this way and the issue is resolved and the behaviour controlled. It may also be useful to remember that the need to be passive aggressive is also often representative of the persons need for power over another person. Since power does not really exist, it is clear to see why passive aggressive behaviour rarely yields any outcome other than more anger and resentment.

In cases in which a person shows repeated instance of passive aggressive behaviour, and the person who becomes defensive when the nature of this behaviour is brought to their attention with no intention or signs of change, the best way is to avoid these interactions as much as you can and come to accept that there are simply some people in our lives you are better off without.

Perhaps the most powerful thing to remember is that if we were all simply a little more honest, and a little less worried about what everyone else was doing and concentrating on ourselves, the need to be passive aggressive at all would be completely eliminated. And most importantly, to avoid being an active participant in passive aggressive behaviour yourself, the simply act of asking self with each intention, “Is this contributing positive or negative energy into the world?” may be all you need to keep your own behaviour towards others in check.

How not to get fat this Christmas

If you consider that an extra mince pie a day will leave you with an extra 1kg of body weight over the course of a month, it is not difficult to understand how Christmas cheer can really pile on the kilos. So before you completely disregard your healthy eating and regular exercise habits and become victim to several weeks of holiday overindulging, you may be interested to know that there is good evidence to show that keeping your basic lifestyle habits on track is likely to prevent excessive weight gain. In fact, data collected from the US Weight Control Registry has shown that individuals who maintain their weight do not overly diverge from their usual diet and exercise regimes during holiday periods. While they may enjoy a few extra treats, they generally maintain their exercise and regular healthy eating regimes most of the time.
So on the eve of another holiday season, perhaps it is worth considering if there are any structural changes to your diet that are easily implemented but go a long way in reducing your kilo joule intake and supporting weight control, even during the holiday season. Remember, one off overindulgences do not cause weight gain – instead weight gain is caused by gradual, and sustained increases in kilo joule intake, or dietary habits that develop and support higher kilo joule intakes each day; an extra biscuit here, a large glass of wine there and before you know it, an extra kilogram has snuck on.
So here is a sample of the most common party season habits that are conducive to weight gain so you can avoid the extra couple of kgs that appears mid January
1) Going to parties hungry
A common mistake made when it comes to party season is overindulging on high fat pastries, chips and dip which are consumed mindlessly while waiting for the “real” food. Avoid overeating at cocktail events by ensuring you do not arrive starving. Events held late afternoon and early evening pose the biggest issue so try a highly filling food 60-90 minutes beforehand such as a meal replacement shake, apple, protein shake, cheese and wholegrain crackers or a handful of nuts. Also aim to munch on a low calorie vegetable such as carrot or celery with this snack as your vegetable intake is also much likely to be low if you are eating party type foods. Try it and notice how much more in control of your eating you feel when offered various snacks and nibbles.

2) Ditching the exercise
The warmer weather and longer days presents a perfect opportunity to do more activity, not less. Make it a priority to maintain gym commitments, regular walks and take the kids to the beach, park or organized activities as much as you can to help compensate for the extra food you are likely to be eating.

3) Overindulging too early in the season
While supermarkets have been stocked with Christmas treats for weeks, the truth is that all of the treats and alcohol are really celebrating one day, not two months. Try and differentiate “special” occasions from run of the mill drinks and parties with work colleagues and acquaintances. This way you can indulge when there is a truly special occasion but keep on track with good habits for the several weeks beforehand.

4) Buying too much food
Remember, if food is there, you will eat it. Large Christmas hampers, cupboards stocked with excessive amounts of snack food, chocolates and lollies are a recipe for disaster, particularly if you have young children at home who are likely to find the temptation too difficult to resist. Shop in small amounts, purchasing only what you need, try and avoid extra large boxes of chocolates and lollies and give away leftovers to remove temptation after the big day.

5) Snacking on poor quality canapés
Good quality cheese, seafood, nuts and chocolates are examples of foods that bring much taste and enjoyment to the palate, while cheap crackers, pastries and chips do not. Differentiate run of the mill packaged snack foods from good quality food that you only ever enjoy in small quantities on special occasions and savour the experience of eating them rather than stuffing your face with high fat snacks that leave you feeling bloated and heavy for many hours afterwards.

6) Eating everything on offer
Next time you are at a party, pay attention to the thin partygoers compared to the overweight ones. Generally you will find that slim individuals are a lot pickier when it comes to their food choices, while those who have more difficulty self regulating their weight eat everything on offer. A simple question to ask yourself each time the canapés are on offer, “Do I really feel like eating this?” – This simple questioning is often enough to help you control the types and volumes of food you are eating. Another simple trick is to limit yourself to just 3-5 canapés at any one event in order to keep both your total fat and kilo joule intake under control.

7) Overindulging in alcohol
As is the case with activity, the festive season should not be seen as an excuse to forget your personal limits with alcohol intake. Try and have two alcohol-free days each week to give your liver a break, drink plenty of water and be aware of high kilo joule mixers such as juice, soft drink and flavoured drinks which can really increase the number of kilojoules you are taking in. A great refreshing, low kilo joule alternative is soda or sparkling water with a slice or two of lime or lemon.

8) Letting Christmas run until January
Aim to get back on track with your usual diet and exercise habits by January 2nd or before you know it, February will be here, you will be rushing to get the kids ready for school and the extra Christmas weight will be with you for the rest of the year.

9) Choosing high fat snacks
While pastry based treats, cheese and dips can be exceptionally high in fat and kilojoules, the good news is that there is also a range of many lower kilojoules snacks that still taste fantastic. Look for potato chips cooked in olive oil, low fat dips and crackers and seafood based snacks.

10) Developing an “all or nothing” attitude to dieting
Rather than mentally writing off the next four weeks in terms of your food intake and activity patterns, think like a thin person. Enjoy good quality, tasty treats in controlled amounts but balance them with nutritious Summer foods including salads, seafood and fresh fruits. Look as the time off as an excuse to move your body more and you will be well on your way to a fitter and healthier 2011.

Christmas Calorie Counter
Pesto dip 250cal/1000kJ
Pastry snack 300cal/1200kJ
Mince Pie 150cal/600kJ
Red Rock Deli Chips 250cal/1000kJ
3 mini quiches 200cal/800kJ
2 shortbread biscuits 200cal/800kJ
5 Favourites 250cal/1000kJ
10 choc almonds 300cal/1200kJ
5 slices salami 210cal/840kJ

Are you in a toxic relationship with a narcissist?

It may be your boss, a work colleague, friend or heaven forbid, your partner – a narcissist. The somewhat charming, charismatic personalities who display their often self proclaimed brilliance before suck us for all we are worth and moving on to their next unsuspecting victim. While the personality trait of narcissism is increasing across the population thanks to the increasing focus on “self”, the core personality trait can be one of the most damaging we ever come across when it comes to relationships.

One of the key personality traits of a narcissist is that they are virtually incapable of seeing things from another person’s perspective and are basically unable to express empathy to others – such self focused behaviour inevitably leads to challenging relationships for a narcissist throughout the course of their life.

The reason that we all get burned by narcissists is that they appear so very charming initially – they are often attentive, have illusions of grandeur and promise you the earth. It is only as you start to get to know them that you learn more about their true motivations and their habits of picking people up who suit them at the time, using them then discarding when the novelty wears off.

Narcissistic bosses will choose subservient staff that do much of the work and then claim the credit; have little time or interest in their employees and will fly into a classic narcissistic rage when questioned or challenged. Narcissistic lovers generally have a long history of failed relationships; feel no guilt or issue with their own behaviour as generally they are only interested on the impact any interaction has on them and will always find a reason to blame others for the scenario, rarely taking any personal accountability and narcissists rarely apologise and mean it – they are the “I’m sorry, BUT” kind of people.

While we may all have some narcissistic tendencies, simply being aware of the effect our behaviours have on others tends to keep us in line and not negatively affecting others with thoughtless behaviour.

If though, you have found yourself in a relationship with another person who can leave you feeling as if you are completely drained from the interaction and NEVER get anything back, it is highly likely you are in a relationship with a raging narcissist.

Narcissists may develop for a couple of reasons, Most commonly they have been over indulged and had their ego inflated by overly invested parents who treat them like they are special from a very young age. The less common, but equally as toxic covert narcissists may have grown up in a family in which emotional connection from one parent in particular has been lacking (often a narcissist themselves) and in this scenario the other parent has over compensated. The child who is most desperate for acknowledgment from the absent parent develops a false sense of self, believing they are not good enough for the absent parent and are completely unable to express themselves emotionally as they really are. A false self develops, usually at a young age which leaves the individual unable to fully experience and express emotion, which leads to much unresolved anger over time. This covert narcissist has such little insight to self and feeling they are literally unable to experience this in their relationships, and spend their lives in an unsatisfied, unfulfilled state, never knowing who they are or what they really want.

The best way to manage a narcissist if you cannot leave the relationship is to not reinforce their narcissistic behaviours – refuse to acknowledge their self focused tendencies, ensure you do not allow them to treat you badly as they pursue their own goals and desires and most importantly do not invest too much emotionally in the as they will inevitably use it and discard it once they have the perception they have moved on to bigger and better things. But beware, a narcissist hates nothing more than being ignored so be very ready to deal with the nasty narcissistic rage that is set to follow once they realise they have lost their grip over you.

And finally, enjoy watching the narcissist you have finally diagnosed – they are fascinating human beings, often lonely, unable to maintain good relationships and can be read like a book, ultimately allowing you to usually predict their reactions and responses to various scenarios well before events play out which can allow for a lot of fun and games with these self focused, toxic personalities. For anyone who feels as if they have fully been railroaded by a narcissist, I have the book for you – “The Wizard of Oz and other narcissists” will help your understand these individuals more fully, and help you develop a management plan for them if you find that you have to keep them in your life - http://www.amazon.com/Wizard-Oz-Other-Narcissists-Relationship/dp/0972072837

The age of entitlement

So much of our individual life satisfaction comes from the way we respond to the scenarios which arise in our day to day life. Work presents constant opportunities to expand knowledge and to ultimately let us to contribute to society in a positive way or it is something we have to do until we retire and can claim a pension. It is a blessing to have found a partner to have had a family with or it is a pain to have a wife who constantly nags and children who do nothing but demand money and resources. You have to work X number of hours to live comfortably in a safe, beautiful country or you are lucky to have a job and be able to live safely in a beautiful country?

We live in an age of entitlement, of the “me, me, me” mentality. Resentful when things do not go the way we had hoped, had planned, over the years becoming increasingly bitter, unhappy and less and less likely to understand that there is a big wide world out there and we are only a very, very small part of it.

Moving past this sense of entitlement requires a significant mental shift. A good starting point is the simple act of being grateful for what we do have. Practice each night reflecting on what is good and a blessing in your life. Not only is your well being likely to increase as a result, you are also more likely to let a fellow driver in whilst driving in the traffic, or to say thank you to someone close to you for what they bring to your life, simply because you are thinking a little less “me” and a little more “big picture”.

“The only question that matters is; am I living in a way that is deeply satisfying and truly expresses me?” (Carl Rogers)

Fussy with food when flying?

For anyone who travels long haul regularly, even upper class would be aware of how inappropriate airline food tends to be. Not only is it obviously high processed and contains a number of preservatives to keep it fresh, nutritionally it tends to also be high in fat, low in protein and high energy considering you are going to basically be sitting for anywhere between 12-36 hours.

While it may seem slightly pedantic to worry about what equates to just 2-3 meals over a 24 hour period, the truth is that what we do or do not eat and drink on flights is going to really effect how we feel once we reach our destination. Imagine if you could ward off constipation, insomnia and jet lag simply by planning your trip from a food and drink perspective slightly better?

First of all, for any long haul flight, your preparation should begin 2-3 days in advance. From this time avoid heavy rice, pasta, fried and meat dishes as these foods will spend more time in your gut. Swap to light soups and salads so your system is hydrated and cleared out (for want of a better phrase!). The day of the flight, aim for fruit and liquids as these too will stay in the gut for short periods of time, and help to prevent flight related dehydration and constipation. Ideally you should be avoiding alcohol and cola drinks, which will also dehydrate you.

For the flight, try and stick to light choices from your meal plate such as fruit, salad, the vegetables, cheese and crackers and avoid any bread, creamy sauced mixed meals and high fat ice creams and pastries – you are burning so few calories not moving that weight gain is inevitable if you eat everything on offer and it will not move from your gut for at least another 12 hours. Finally, this all means that you need to board a plane prepared. Airline good quality will only decrease over time so get used to packing your own wraps, protein bars, fruit, mini snack chocolates and cheese and crackers so you always have back ups – because remember, that planning is the key to dietary success.

What can the French teach us about eating?

Bonjour from sunny Paris! Admittedly there are worse places in which I could be writing these updates but seriously it is a work trip and I have been VERY busy studying French eating habits and all the latest sports nutrition supplements that are available in the cycling capital of the world.

After much observation I have come to a few of my own conclusions about French eating habits which may partly explain why they live much longer without heart disease than many of us, even though they spoke like chimneys and drink like fish.

1) French people are never seen eating as they are doing something else; they sit at the table, at meal times and eat proper meals.
2) French people are never seen clutching a plastic coffee cup as if their life depends on it throughout the morning – it is a short black or nothing.
3) French people cook with unprocessed, fresh food, which they buy fresh on most days of the week.
4) French people eat the crust of the bread, not the soft middle.
5) French people eat a lot of fish.
6) French people do not talk a whole lot about diets OR exercise.
7) French people eat their man meal during the day.
8) French people regularly include a plain salad with their meal.
9) French people eat reasonable plain food – not much mixing of Indian, Asian and Italian cuisines.
10) French people eat good food that they enjoy, when they want to and do not waste any time or energy thinking about what they should not be eating, which is perhaps why they do not overeat.

Am very happy to continue to research these observations and will keep you all updated 