The art of acceptance

How often in life are things exactly as we want them to be? We want to be thinner, or lose weight without effort or hard work. We love those who don’t love us or covet a profession other than the one we have chosen. We go away only to wish we were back at home again.

Happiness and wellbeing research would suggest that while a feeling of dissatisfaction in life is actually the key force that allows humans to move forward, those individuals who are able to accept the cards they have been dealt rather than ruminate on the “what if’s” are those likely to be much happier.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT); an entire discipline within psychology dedicates its work to helping individuals reaching this state of acceptance, whether people seek acceptance in their relationships, work or even in regards to what they need to do to lose weight.

ACT writings suggest that rather than spending time and mental energy debating the pros and many more cons associated with actively engaging in the act of weight control via dietary control and regular exercise, long term outcome is much more likely if we simply accept that in order to control weight, we need to eat less, feel a bit hungry and uncomfortable and train hard. Once we accept this as what we need to do, we are then able to focus on the end goal, which leads us to outcome. Accepting that things will be hard at times, or that we may have to feel uncomfortable for certain periods of time are simple a natural, part of life. Or, put more simply, “it is, what it is, and as simple or complex as you want to make it”.

Finding your authentic self - the first step towards complete health and well being

Angelina has it, as does Brad but Jennifer Aniston still hasn’t found hers. Anna Wintour oozes it, as does Michelle Obama. Hugh Jackman embodies it as does Jamie Oliver, Seal and Heidi Klum – authenticity.

Authenticity is one of my most favourite words – the ability to truly reflect ones self; to break free from the roles created for us and stay concrete and honest no matter what the situation or relationship we find ourselves in. Few individuals master their own authentic soul - the very nature of modern life and our relationships seeing us mould and manipulate our authentic selves into the person we hope to be, or doing what others want us to rather than embracing what is true and real for us as an individual.

Our emotions as well as the body are both exceptionally good at telling us when we are on track with our authentic selves. Frustration, irritability, uneasiness or an underlying sadness just some of the emotional states we may experience. No matter what field of work you are in, or how much money you earn, these powerful emotional indictors are signs that you are not on the right personal path. While the physical signs of poor sleep, weight issues, regular sickness and injury are further indicators that you are not nurturing your soul.

The first step in rediscovering your authentic self is to consider at which point in your life you lost it. Was it when you married or had children; did you never truly embrace who you were after coming from an intense family or was it simply because you lost your way after entering your adult life with little path or direction, or without the confidence to aggressively pursue what it was you knew would make you happy?

One of the key characteristics of authentic people is that they always put their own needs before those of others. Not in a selfish uncaring way, but they know that without love for self, they cannot love others truly, madly, deeply.

Identifying their own core needs and practicing self care and love on a daily basis is central in the lives of authentic souls. So this week I ask you – what it is it that you know both your mind and body need to truly nurture your soul? Is it simply time to be, good food, exercise, time with your passions or time to identify them? Is it creating a home or bedroom that is a reflection of your heart and soul? Or spending time in nature without modern technology and communication regularly to commit to your own personal rediscovery? Embracing your own authentic self is the first step in building the life that you want and ultimately the one you deserve.

Sacred Sundays

There are few things more precious in busy lives than time. Time alone, time for family, time to relax, time to get life administration completed, time to sit, time to just be. As we become more and more efficient and attempt to cram more and more into our days, it becomes more and more apparent that we could easily fill many more hours if they were handed to us on a plate. The reality is that every one of us has 24 hours in a day, and some of us manage to do much more with that time than others. Or, looking at things from a different perspective, some of us are very mindful of the way we spend our time, and far more of us let it fritter away.

A useful strategy employed by a close friend of mine is to declare Sunday sacred time – a day in which nothing really is planned; a day in which she can let her body and mind recover and spend quality time with family and those closest to her. Rushing to social gatherings, to family engagements or anywhere at all really quickly makes the weekend very similar to our frantic weekdays. Once we find ourselves among many people and traffic, making it difficult to unwind and really relax before the Sunday night blues hit. So, why not start making your Sundays sacred too? You may just find that Monday does not seem to be so bad after all.

Are you watching or living?

I rarely watch the news, but just by chance last week I was at the gym when it was on and since my ipod had run out of battery I tuned in to Peter Overton sharing with us the day that was – what a mistake. Every news story ranging from a promiscuous circus performer to a desperate ex duchess was just depressing. There was no doubt I felt much, much worse about life after listening to the news, and since I still manage to function reasonably well without it, I decided to actively avoid tuning in again anytime soon.

Time management guru Timothy Ferris who wrote the http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/ actively preaches about the psychological benefits of following a “low information” diet in a world in which we have constant access to information and stimulation, arguing that becoming too entrenched in watching everyone else live, means that we leave far less time for us to live ourselves.

Each and every day we subject ourselves to far more information than we need. We listen to boring colleagues at lunchtime, we routinely watch or listen to the news when we could be listening or watching something that really stimulates our soul and we commit to social experiences we would rather not because we are too passive to really say what we want. If you find yourself regularly feeling overwhelmed and lacking meaning in your day to day world it may be time to consider if you tend to observe rather than live life.

The perfect lunch

How difficult can it be to get lunch right? A couple of slices of bread with a tin of tuna and some tomato and all should be good? What you choose to eat for lunch can have a huge impact on your mood, energy and appetite for the remainer of the day. In fact, choosing the right lunch may even help to protect you from the dreaded 3pm munchies so it is well worth knowing how to get the balance exactly right.

A nutritionally balanced lunch should include some low glycaemic index carbs such as wholegrain bread, beans, crackers or pasta, teamed with a good serve of lean protein such as tuna, chicken breast or egg as well as plenty of salad vegetables. For those of you who routinely ditch the carbs in favour of tuna and salad therein lies the problem. Denying the body of carbohydrates during the day, when both your brain and your muscles require them for energy leaves you prone to sugar cravings and low energy levels later in the afternoon when your brain finally realizes that it does not have enough readily available fuel to function optimally. Including a small serve of nutritious carbohydrates such as 1-2 slices of grain bread, a few wholegrain crackers or a small tin of beans or corn is all the carbohydrate you will need to avoid this scenario.

The most common component of lunch that we get wrong is not including enough bulky salad or vegetables with our standard choices. Plain sandwiches, sushi, noodle dishes and soups may all be healthy lunch choices but they do not contain the bulk to keep you full throughout the afternoon. Ideally lunch will include at least 1 cup of salad or vegetables. Great options include adding a salad or vegetable based soup to your regular sandwich or sushi, or simply taking an extra carrot, cucumber or capsicum to cut up and enjoy with your lunch.

It may also be useful to know that high carbohydrate lunch choices including heavy noodle and rice dishes, Turkish bread sandwiches and smoothies can contain the equivalent of 3-4 slices of regular bread in full, which can leave you prone to sugar high’s and low’s. Instead choosing lighter carbohydrate options such as brown rich sushi, wrap breads or salads made with beans and corn teamed with a palm size serve of lean protein will give you an optimal nutritional balance and a tasty lunch to match.


Top lunch choices Total kJ Total fat (g)
2 Tuna Sushi Rolls 1400 6
Chicken and salad wrap 1200 6
Frittata and salad 1200 7
Tuna, beans and salad 1000 7
Wholegrain crackers with salmon 1200 6
Leftover pasta with meat and vegetable sauce 1400 7

Worst lunch choices
Chicken and avocado on Turkish 3200 54
Pad Thai 3400 46
Burger and fries 3700 40
Quiche 2000 30
Stir fry chicken and rice 2000 30
Pesto chicken salad 2000 35

Your Life: Are you a ‘me for me’ person, or a “me for you” person?

Surprisingly enough, much of my diet consult time with patients is spent on “life coaching” – putting food choices and weight control in the context of leading a more balanced, healthier and happier life. Some individuals are already very good at achieving this balance. They are easily able to put their own needs ahead of others and tend be happier and better functioning individuals as a result. On the other hand, there are the people, especially the mothers who put everyone else’s needs or requests before their own. As a result they often feel exhausted, drained, resentful and just plain cranky that they are not leading the life they would like, ultimately because of their own poor choices or perceived inability to prioritise self.

The irony is, they while putting self first can be perceived as being “selfish”, failing to place ones basic needs such as health, self care, exercising and time alone before that of the needs of others actually tends to make individuals function at a level which is far below their best. As a result of this, those closest of most important to us, whether it is our family, friends, clients or associates do not get to interact with us when we are at our best, so no one wins really.

A wise colleague of mine told me last week that he refers to people as either “me for me” people – those happy to self care first because they know that they are at their best for others if they put self first as opposed to “me for you” people who are constantly chasing their own tails. Which category do you fall into?

The most patronising email ever?

Thanks for your email. Glad to see you're still reading *****! ;)

I understand your confusion - let me see if I can un-muddy the waters for you.

Every time we commission any contributor, ****** has a policy of buying the copyright to whatever it is we're commissioning outright, so that we can reuse/reproduce the content as we see fit. It's a procedure we've been following for many a moon now - since long before my time, in fact. (You might have come across something similar before in your dealings with other publications - I'm not au fait with all their requirements but I do recall from my time of freelancing, that ACP asked me to sign something similar.) According to my records, you were sent a copy of our conditions to sign and return back in *****, by the editor back then . I've attached the form for you to have another look at.

With regards to not crediting you - that was a disappointing oversight on our part, and a real shame. I wish we had; it would have made us all look better to have had your name attached! Would you be interested in appearing in our next issue, with your top tips for *******? Naturally, we'd be more than happy to shamelessly promote you as an expert in paediatric nutrition!

Luckily I have an appointment with my solicitor next week :)